


gay panic

by beedragony



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Based on a Tumblr Post, Biromantic Sirius Black, Bisexual Remus Lupin, Bisexuality, Demisexual Sirius Black, Demisexuality, Funny, Gay Panic, Getting Together, M/M, Maybe - Freeform, POV Remus Lupin, Sexuality, Sexuality Crisis, Tattoos, brief kiss at th end, but it's not mentioned, very brief - Freeform, you can choose to read this as
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-17 09:54:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29469786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beedragony/pseuds/beedragony
Summary: Sirius is getting a tattoo. Remus chooses to be there as support, as the good friend he always is. The tattoo artist isn't so sure.orThe tattoo artist thinks Sirius and Remus are extremely gay for each other and Remus panics hard.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 4
Kudos: 69





	gay panic

**Author's Note:**

> first wolfstar I've ever written and probably only one, but I had lots of fun~
> 
> thank you zie for betaing this <3

Remus was a good friend. He was, really. If he wasn't, he wouldn't be in a tattoo shop holding Sirius' hand and trying to keep him calm while Sirius squirmed. They were just at the start of the third hour of seemingly endless tattooing.

The problem was that sometimes Remus regretted being a good friend. More often than he’d like, he found himself frustrated after getting involved in certain activities because that was what friends did. This was one of those times.

The tattoo artist kept exchanging looks between Remus and Sirius, and Remus was sure that the look wasn’t ‘it’s so cool that I have two blokes in my studio supporting each other’ and that it was more like ‘uh, am I seeing things or are these guys super gay for each other?’

So long story short, Remus was freaking out.

Sirius whimpered again and held Remus' hand tighter. Remus squeezed it back and rolled up his long-sleeved shirt, leaning forward and shushing Sirius. The tattoo artist's gaze returned to them and stopped on Remus' arm. Remus, very discreetly, looked in the same direction.  _ Shit _ . On his right arm, the one he was using to hold Sirius' hand, he wore a bracelet with the colors of the rainbow. Remus saw the question in the tattoo artist’s eyes and began to silently panic even more. The tattoo artist cleared his throat and went back to Sirius' tattoo.

“So, are you two close?” the tattoo artist asked in the most nonchalant voice he could manage as if he were asking nothing other than the time, but Remus understood very well the intention behind that ‘I'm just talking about the weather haha what do you mean’ voice.

Remus was bisexual and that wasn’t news to anyone. He was fifteen with too many hormones running through his veins when he realized that it wasn't just girls who caused strange reactions in his skinny, gangly body. His friends were chill about it, and so were his parents, so why would Remus hide it? Or care if anyone else had a problem with it? He wasn’t ashamed of being who he was and he wore the LGBTQIA+ bracelet with great pride. The problem was that Sirius wasn’t part of the community. They weren’t together, at least not like that, and the tattoo artist was making assumptions - wrong ones! Remus was just being a good friend and nothing more. The whole experience was a bit surreal, because how exactly was he supposed to handle being incorrectly accused of being gay? Ok, so yes he was gay but he wasn’t gay with Sirius. Out of all of his friends it had to be Sirius that he got into this situation with, didn’t it? Had Sirius realized what the tattoo artist was thinking?

“Of course! That’s why I asked Moony to come,” Sirius answered and smiled fondly at Remus.

Ah. Sirius hadn't noticed and that made Remus even more panicked. That plus the causal use of his nickname caused Remus’ heart to skip a beat. And Remus didn't know whether he should let go of Sirius' hand or keep squeezing. Maybe he should come up with some kind of lie and make it look less gay. Or he could explain to Sirius what was happening and they could all have a big laugh, 'how funny is that haha'. Or even better he could remain seated where he was, panicking internally, and pretending that nothing was happening. Remus chose that option and returned Sirius' smile nervously.

“Nice. That’s great. Good for you, man. Cool,” the tattoo artist said and went back to work with a little smile that Remus interpreted as ‘I knew I was right all along, my gaydar is sharp huh?’ Which only made Remus curl up into himself and squeeze Sirius' hand even more. Sirius had a painful expression on his pretty face. Remus took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. Panicking wouldn’t do him any good.

“Relax, Pads. It's almost over. Just a few more minutes.”

“How's it going?”

Remus smiled.

“Fantastic. It’s a very beautiful design.”

“Yeah, James did it. That tattoo I got for you was inspired by this one.”

“Do you have tattoos, Remus? Could I see them once we are finished here?” the tattoo artist asked curiously.

“Sure. I only have one, for now. On my back. I'm getting the second one in a few months.”

“And then I’ll be the one to hold  _ his  _ hand,” Sirius said playfully, laughing with the artist.

“Yeah… I mean, I should hope so.”

Remus almost choked on his own breath. ‘I mean, I should hope so’??  _ ‘I mean, I should hope so’???  _ They had to be kidding.

The tattoo artist was convinced that Remus and Sirius were a couple.  _ ‘I mean, I should hope so’. _ Next time Sirius came around to get another tattoo and Remus wasn’t with him, he would ask, ‘Oh, where’s your boyfriend?’ and fuck, Remus was getting sick just thinking about that scenario.

“Finished.”

Remus tapped his foot nervously against the floor while the artist gave Sirius instruction on how to care for the tattoo. Then the artist wanted to see a picture of Remus’ own tattoo and Remus just wanted to get out of there. 

“Moony?”

He raised his head quickly and looked at Sirius, who was no longer talking to the tattoo artist and was instead looking at Remus with considerable concern.

“Can we go now?” Remus didn't wait for the answer to head for the exit, followed by Sirius, who took Remus' arm as soon as they reached the street.

“Remus, are you alright? You look anxious.”

And that was it. Remus was anxious. Why was he so anxious? If it was James in Sirius' place and someone thought he was dating James, he would laugh until he coughed up a lung. But… well, Remus might have a little bit of a crush on Sirius. Nothing big, mind you. Remus had come with Sirius because he was a good friend. And everything he did with Sirius he would do to any other friend, period. There was denying, however, that somewhere deep within him he had that thought of  _ what if _ that seemed to surface frequently when he listened to music in the early hours of dawn, alone in his room. That  _ what if _ brought with it impossible possibilities, like the one the tattoo artist had been sure was true. And having someone think of them as a couple, the way Remus wanted them to be, when in reality they weren't, made him anxious.

This was a disaster. Remus needed to calm down and bury that feeling to be dealt with later. Sirius didn’t deserve to deal with Remus’ freak out.

“It's okay Pads. Sorry, I just needed some air.” He smiled at him. “Do you want to get something to eat?”

Sirius seemed to sigh in relief, loosening his grip on Remus' arm.

“Sure!”

And just like that, the tension was gone.

Soon enough, Remus found himself at a diner with Sirius. The two of them sat facing each other, eating while Sirius kept the conversation going. It was good, it was normal. Remus already felt like himself again, entering this well-trodden, safe territory, and-

“Moony, now that I’m thinking about it, I think that tattoo artist thought we were a couple,” said Sirius, casually, as if it were nothing - a joke.

-and Remus almost choked on his soda.

“A-Ah, is that right?” he asked, coughing slightly. “I didn't even notice.”

“I wasn’t sure before. Kept asking myself, like, ‘Am I just imagining this?’, but I think he thought we were together. I mean of course he did, we’d make a great couple.”

“You think so? I never thought about it.”

All of a sudden Sirius seemed to get nervous. Remus’ heart had been in his throat for a while now. Remus might as well be a professional liar.

“I- I've thought about it before. But- but just in passing! Like, I dunno. I'm watching TV or whatever, and then I think ‘uh, of all my friends I think Moony would be the best to date’, but it's not a big deal, you know? It’s obvious. Everyone would choose you, except for maybe James. ‘Cause Lily. But it’s obvious. James is my best friend. And Peter... it's Peter, I don’t even want to go there. And I’ve seen what Lily’s like in a relationship and... no thanks. Marlene, I dunno. She had feelings for me once and we even tried to make it work but it just didn’t. Then there’s also-”

“Why am I the obvious option?” Remus asked, interrupting Sirius’ nervous monologue.

“Duh, that's easy, Moony. You’re beautiful, you know almost everything about me, you know how to deal with all my shit and even help sometimes, you know when I need to talk until I lose my voice and when I just need a hug, you-”

“James too.”

“...What?”

“James is also all those things.”

“But he’s my best friend!” Sirius made a disgusted face.

“Me too???”

“Yes, but, but it's different.”

“How is it different?”

Sirius looked away, furrowed brows and flushed cheeks, uncertainty in his light blue eyes.

“I... I dunno. But it is. And you are bi, James is not.”

“And you are?”

Sirius froze, looking at the floor.

“Well, I... maybe? I dunno.”

And Sirius stopped talking, which was worrying, because Sirius never stopped talking, and now Remus was worried about him while simultaneously freaking out internally, because what was that? What. Was. That. ‘It’s obvious we’d be a good couple, Moony, are you crazy? Have you lost your mind?’

Wow.

Wait. Was Sirius... Sirius had just come out to him, and Remus hadn’t responded yet. Sirius must be panicking. Shit.

“Want to talk about it? Your doubts, or whatever. How long have you been thinking about this?” Remus deserved an Oscar for the calm, unfazed tone of his voice.

Sirius bit his lip and looked at Remus, clearly trying to read Remus’ expression. Sirius sighed in relief when Remus smiled back at him.

Remus deserved two Oscars.

“I’ve thought about it for a while now. I started wondering a few months ago, ‘cause I always dated girls, but sometimes I didn't even feel attracted to them or anything, I just thought they were beautiful. Then I started researching and discovered that there’s a thing called demisexuality, which means, for me, that I only feel sexual attraction to someone that I have some kind of strong connection with. Then I thought ‘damn, that makes a lot of sense’, ‘cause that’s one of the main problems I’ve had in previous relationships, and why me and Marlene almost worked, but not quite. And I wasn't sure, ‘cause it’s difficult to be sure with these things, so I just kept reading and then I stopped to think and ok, maybe I'm demisexual, but am I hetero-romantic? ‘Cause I’ve never been with another guy, but that could be because that possibility had never crossed my mind before, and the more I think about it, the more I realize that I'm probably bi, but there's no way to know unless I actually date a guy, right? I dunno. I’ve thought about some... specific guy...s... and... I think I am. Maybe. I dunno.”

That was... a lot, Sirius has been carrying a heavyweight on his shoulders, so Remus nodded and smiled at Sirius, drinking some of his soda before responding.

“You can be bi without ever having been with a guy, and you don't have to be sure about these things 100% of the time. I think sexuality is fluid. There have been times when I was equally attracted to everyone, others when I preferred women and feminine traits in general, and others when I was only attracted to men or masc folks. And I kept questioning myself, doubting myself and my right to say I’m bisexual, but I think that’s part of what sexuality is, because of its fluidity. It doesn't make me less bi than anyone else, and you still have a lot of time to discover these things. You can use labels in whatever way that works best for you. If today you think you might be bi, call yourself bi. If tomorrow you discover you’re only romantically attracted to women, drop the bi and keep living your life. Use what’s best for you, not for others. And whenever you want to talk about it, I'm here to listen.”

Sirius was quiet for a while, seeming to think, and Remus kept watching him, wondering if he had helped in any way or just confused Sirius more.

“Uh, that makes a lot of sense. Thanks, Moony.”

Sirius was smiling, so Remus smiled back.

The two went back to eating in a comfortable silence, which lasted about three minutes before Sirius spoke again.

“You, um, think that- um, I mean, what I was talking about before. Do you think we would be a good couple, too?”

Remus looked at his sandwich, feeling his face heat up. He gathered all the courage he had and took a deep breath.

“Maybe. I- I think so.”

“Yeah?”

Remus nodded.

“Want to date me then?”

Remus gasped and started to cough; eyes wide as he watched Sirius with a look of uncertainty in his own eyes, lower lip pinched between his teeth.

“W-What?”

“Well, I like you. You are one of my best friends, but, but it’s different from the way I’m best friends with James, ‘cause when I stopped to think about possibly having a relationship with one of my friends, you were the only one that I could imagine friendship evolving into something, I dunno, different. I feel comfortable with you. And… and there’s this demi and bi thing, and I think maybe I’m a little bit attracted to you, and you’re very beautiful. Then the tattoo artist implied that we were a couple and that made me a little anxious but at the same time excited? Happy? ‘Cause I think that’s what I wanted to happen. And, like, this isn’t a test to see if I'm really bi, okay? I really like you, and if you don't see me like that, that's fine too.” Sirius laughed nervously. He was looking down at the table. “If you want you can forget about what I just said and we'll only be friends, I won't mind, I swear. It's just a thought, and I appreciate your friendship very much, it's just that-”

Remus got up from his chair and sat next to his friend, hugging Sirius, who closed his mouth and returned the hug after a few seconds of paralysis. Sirius wasn’t wrong when he said that Remus knew when he needed to talk until he lost his voice and when he needed a hug, and in this case Sirius needed a hug because Sirius was about to panic. Remus was too, but that wasn't the point. Hugging Sirius calmed them both in the end, and this time the silence lasted more than three minutes. Comfortable silence, where the only noise that mattered was the sound of their breathing slowly returning to normal.

"I think," Remus started, loosening his hold and looking at the floor before taking a deep breath and looking at Sirius. “I think we could try. Go little by little and see what happens, and, like, if either of us ends up not enjoying it in some way, we talk about it and see what we do. ‘Cause… I- I like you too.”

Sirius smiled big, watching him with those bright blue eyes that Remus loved so much.

"I think that's a good idea," he said quietly, approaching Remus. Sirius looked at Remus for a few long seconds before bringing their faces closer together and gently kissing the corner of Remus’ lips. Remus gasped.

“A great idea” Remus responded and kissed Sirius back, sandwiches and panic forgotten.

Maybe, when Sirius went back to that tattoo artist and he asked, ‘Oh, where's your boyfriend?’, it wouldn't be an inappropriate question after all.

**Author's Note:**

> based on [this](https://penroseparticle.tumblr.com/post/177245309147/so-i-just-went-with-my-buddy-while-he-got-a-rib) post
> 
> [my tumblr](beedragony.tumblr.com) :3


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